I moved to the UK with my family in November 2022. The decision to leave our home was very difficult for us but in the last months at home, I started having panic attacks that sedatives didn’t help. It turned out that my husband and I spent the first 40 days of the war under occupation. We left Kyiv on the 7th day of the war to a village, thinking it would be safe but we ended up trapped because Russian tanks blocked the exits from the village to within a 60 km radius and we were surrounded. For all 40 days, we were under fire, from morning to night, hit by Javelins. But we can say that we were lucky; our village wasn’t within range of tank shells, whereas the neighbouring village was destroyed. On the 40th day, the Ukrainian army reclaimed their positions, cleared the roads and we were able to return home. After that we made the decision to leave. The war radically changed my life and turned it upside down. In Ukraine, I had a successful and well-paid job, a beautiful, cosy home and bright plans for the next few years. My husband had an agricultural business. Unfortunately, now none of this exists. Now, I don’t see my future, and it’s difficult for me to plan for the coming years. Sometimes, it feels like something in me has broken. My mother stayed in Ukraine; she lives in the city of Odesa and it’s very difficult to live there now due to constant shelling. My mother refuses to leave; she’s of an older age and doesn’t want to leave her home. Some of my friends and colleagues also stayed behind but unfortunately, we communicate much less now. The war leaves its marks on people; they think that since I’m now living in a country without war, I don’t have any problems and no longer understand them. But the truth is, while I may have physically moved to a safe country, mentally, I spend most of my time following the news about Ukraine. That’s why each of my days starts and ends with checking social media to see if there have been any shellings and which areas have been hit.
I still live in hope that the war will end soon and that peace will come to Ukraine. People will be able to live peacefully in their country, build their futures, no longer hide in shelters, no longer fear stepping outside and no longer worry about their children and loved ones, knowing they might be killed in 60 seconds after an alarm from a missile strike. As for my future, I don’t have a clear answer. Our immigration status doesn’t offer any guarantees; today we are here, but tomorrow, if the government decides, we may all be asked to leave the country. Yes, I’m working, I’m learning the language, but it is difficult to make any plans. For the past 3 years, I have constantly felt anxious. Returning to Ukraine, even if they sign a ceasefire agreement, I’m afraid. I don’t believe Russia will honour any agreements. I just don’t have the strength to experience everything all over again. I believe that people from war-torn countries have the right to ask for and receive asylum. These people are not at fault for the destruction of their country and for being forced to flee the war. They are saving their lives and the lives of their children. It is also very important to give people the opportunity to work and organise their lives because when a person starts working and socialising in the society they are in, adaptation becomes easier.
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Photo above: Olha and her Mum in happier times.
